Jasmine Hart

Thanks everyone. I've made some changes but, I don't know, I think I want to do a whole new draft, so I'll see what I can come up with... Concertina ...

Thanks Stella. Yes, it's set on Inis Mor. That's a very good suggestion. I'll work on fleshing him out when I rewrite.

Thanks Rika, thanks Kit. Kit, I've made your little edits. No, Poll na bPeist (Powl nah Bahyst) wasn't a typo...I'd sent this to my folio and forgot that name was ...

Lovely. You express yourself perfectly, and I can't fault it. The flow is good. It might be interesting, as Adna said, to try extending it. Jas

This is really great, penguin. I loved the simplicity and the power which it holds. It flows beautifully. I especially love the second and last stanzas.

I really like the last line. It's very fresh and powerful. Though, I think this would work better without the rhyming couplets. Maybe try lengthening it and use a different ...

This is really great, Lizzy. Your tone is great, your rhythm is great, all the little details are great. I wish I could be more helpful, but I really can't ...

This is lovely, Meep. The rhythm is good, the flow is good, and I love what you've said. I can't fault it. Wish I could be more helpful... Jas

This is beautiful.I love your imagery. I'd add punctuation. I really can't fault this, but "Like how the moon had look" doesn't make sense so I'd rephrase this. Sorry I ...

I liked this. I'd add capital letters and add punctuation. I like the idea of the heart having wings and the rhyming scheme worked well.

This was great, very clever and perfectly articulated.

Lol. Nice! This was fun, and the rhyme suited the tone.The last line is great. Wish I could be more helpful, but I can't really see any major faults.

"The Wish List" by Eoin Colfer.People getting mixed up with the bodies of dogs on the way to hell? Eh, what? Don't know why I even finished this one.

Oh, but was this an exercise in cinquians, or an exercise in berries? Either way, I'd experiment with either cinquians, or berry-poetry, to see what happens.

Thanks for reading this.There is indeed! Care to take a guess? (I'll only tell if you guess correctly!)Heehee.